What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 29.06.2025 00:19
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
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But ive been too sick for many years..
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I could never make a relationship work though!
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His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I waited trembling.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
On the 31st of Jan this month .
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
She loved him until the end.
Why are there so many girls and not enough boys to follow?
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Comes on , in middle age.
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I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
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But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Why do narcissist move on so easily?
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
What did i know ?
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
What are some life hacks for living on your own?
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Can I see some saggy tit pics and huge areolas pics?
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
But it wasn’t much.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
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I said to her
I have no regrets .
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
What are some very specific groups of people you just cannot stand?
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Would this be the day?
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
We were not on the streets..
I write beautiful poetry .
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
She married twice! .
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I was seconnd youngest,
Put me off passion for life!!
So, i spoilt her more .
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
(And it was in our own minds.)
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
We all went to grammer schools
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I don,t even have a pension.
It was going to be , some day.
I will be 64.
I couldn’t, believe it.
Was to survive, this bastard.
One cannot live in the past .
Im dying but, im not bitter.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
My family never makes their pension either.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
So whats the point in blame.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Im still living with it.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Why did i forgive my father ?
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
She found it foreign!.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
And i lived it daily.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I was 9 years of age.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
My life is so biszare .
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
When she asked me how she looked .
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
As i do to all so called friends.?
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
He resisted the act ,that day.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
He knew the spot.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I was very sick at this time too.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
This is soul school!.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Especially a lifetime of it.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
She wouldn,t have been !
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I never cut or harmed myself..
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
I was scared of men, in general
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I think the readers, may guess!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
She was in good health!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
But, we were locked up after school.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Who then, do I blame.?
I know ,a lot about trauma.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I had hoped to write a book about this .
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Ive learnt so much.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
All the time i was locked up.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.